Convenience Store Commissary

One minute and twenty four seconds.  That’s the record.  If you run, know where everything is, have nobody in front of you, and pay with an easy-pay device, you may be able to beat it.  I challenge you to beat it.

I'm talking about the amount of time needed to grab all of the essential winter camping supplies from your local convenience store.

I have an affliction when it comes to getting the food supplies for my winter trips.  I am physically incapable of spending half an hour driving to a grocery store and hunting down provisions for my trip when the mountains are calling me.  As a coping mechanism, I’ve developed a list of food items that I can find at any mom-and-pop convenience store while stopping to gas up.

Snacks consist of a package of gummy worms, a chocolate bar, a bag of beef jerky and a packet of peanut butter crackers.  For dinner, I round up a box of Kraft Easy Mac, Ramen Noodles, a can (or bag) or tuna, and Blueberry Pop Tarts.

That’s it.  That’s all you need for a weekend in a tent.

While the list has satisfied my need to avoid a grocery store on my way to the mountain, I've always wondered how my convenience store choices stacked up against the fancier camping meals.  For example, is Easy Mac similar to a dehydrated meal?  Is a pop-tart better for you than a power bar?  And the most important question of all:  Is Gu just a yuppie version of gummy worms?

  

Pop-Tarts vs. Power Bars

Item	Size/g	Calories	Cal/g	Sugars/g	Fat/g	Sat Fat/g	Protein/g	Na/mg	K/mg	Vit C/ %	Iron/ %
Bluebery Pop Tarts	52	200	3.8	16	5	1.5	2	170	0	0	10
Power Bar	65	240	3.7	26	3.5	0.5	8	200	105	70	25

Okay, I know, you can get power bars in convenience stores.  However, why pay $2.50 for a power bar when you can throw down a $1 to get a slice of your childhood.  (By the way, they are consistently $1… I think Kraft sends around secret police to enforce this.. Don’t tell them I told you, though.)  An energy bar is essentially a Pop-Tart with more protein and some additional vitamins.  Whether or not you need the protein while you’re exercising is debatable, with most sources indicating that it is most beneficial for post-workout muscle repair.  Not only is the pop-tart more festive looking, it also doesn’t become an inedible brick when its frozen.  While the extra fat content isn’t ideal for long term exposure, it does serve an important function in the backcountry.  (Think anti-fiber)

Freeze Dried Dinner vs. College Student Dinner

Item	Size/g	Calories	Cal/g	Sugars/g	Fat/g	Sat Fat/g	Protein/g	Na/mg	Iron/ %
Mountain House Noodles & Chicken	268	540	2.0	4	12	4	24	2400	?
Kraft Easy Mac	122	460	3.8	10	8	5	14	1080	16
Ramen Noodles	86	380	4.4	1	14	7	10	1640	16

Holy sodium batman!  All of these dinners will get your blood pressure up to Sam Kinnison levels.  Oooh Oooh OOOOOH!

Notice, however, that the convenience store dinners are much more calorie dense.  In fact, gram for gram, Ramen Noodles, at 4.4 calories per gram are as calorie dense as fudge.  Yes fudge. (I checked)  Hardly health food, but great for winter camping.

Gummy Worms vs. Gu

Item	Size/g	Calories	Cal/g	Sugars/g	Fat/g	Sat Fat/g	Protein/g	Na/mg	K/mg	Vit C/ %	Iron/ %
Gummy Worms(10)	74	293	4.0	44	0	0	0	33	4	0	2
Gu (2 Shots)	64	200	3.1	10	0	0	0	100	70	540	0

Contrary to my original theory, Gu is not just a liquefied gummy worm.  It is clearly a liquefied gummy worm with a Flintstone vitamin and a soy sauce packet, thus confirming my theory that it is a yuppie version of the gummy worm.   Interestingly, the nutrition label reveals that Gu somehow has ¼ the sugar of gummy worms, with equal fat and protein, and yet has nearly the same number of calories.  This scares me.  Clearly their “glucose polymers” and witches brew has led to a calorie source that is invisible to the government nutrition label.  Be afraid.

So get out there with your stop watches and speed passes, and see if you can break the record … without looking like you’re trying to rob the place.