Buying a Full Suspension Bike

After ten minutes of internet research, the inside of my brain kinda looked like this. 

So you’re thinking about buying a full suspension bike.  Maybe you’ve been riding a hard-tail for a few years now, and have worked up the courage to conquer some drops, dips and other more technical terrain.  Maybe you’ve decided you have way too much money lying around.  Or maybe you’re just tired of coming home from Leominster feeling like you’ve been kicked in the ass all day long.  Whatever your reasons, if you’re like me, you probably need a road map to navigate what seems like a foreign language of parts packages, bike names, and bike styles.