Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Convenience Store Commissary


One minute and twenty four seconds.  That’s the record.  If you run, know where everything is, have nobody in front of you, and pay with an easy-pay device, you may be able to beat it.  I challenge you to beat it.

I'm talking about the amount of time needed to grab all of the essential winter camping supplies from your local convenience store.


I have an affliction when it comes to getting the food supplies for my winter trips.  I am physically incapable of spending half an hour driving to a grocery store and hunting down provisions for my trip when the mountains are calling me.  As a coping mechanism, I’ve developed a list of food items that I can find at any mom-and-pop convenience store while stopping to gas up.

Snacks consist of a package of gummy worms, a chocolate bar, a bag of beef jerky and a packet of peanut butter crackers.  For dinner, I round up a box of Kraft Easy Mac, Ramen Noodles, a can (or bag) or tuna, and Blueberry Pop Tarts.

That’s it.  That’s all you need for a weekend in a tent.

While the list has satisfied my need to avoid a grocery store on my way to the mountain, I've always wondered how my convenience store choices stacked up against the fancier camping meals.  For example, is Easy Mac similar to a dehydrated meal?  Is a pop-tart better for you than a power bar?  And the most important question of all:  Is Gu just a yuppie version of gummy worms?
  
Pop-Tarts vs. Power Bars
Item
Size/g
Calories
Cal/g
Sugars/g
Fat/g
Sat Fat/g
Protein/g
Na/mg
K/mg
Vit C/ %
Iron/ %
Bluebery Pop Tarts
52
200
3.8
16
5
1.5
2
170
0
0
10
Power Bar
65
240
3.7
26
3.5
0.5
8
200
105
70
25

Okay, I know, you can get power bars in convenience stores.  However, why pay $2.50 for a power bar when you can throw down a $1 to get a slice of your childhood.  (By the way, they are consistently $1… I think Kraft sends around secret police to enforce this.. Don’t tell them I told you, though.)  An energy bar is essentially a Pop-Tart with more protein and some additional vitamins.  Whether or not you need the protein while you’re exercising is debatable, with most sources indicating that it is most beneficial for post-workout muscle repair.  Not only is the pop-tart more festive looking, it also doesn’t become an inedible brick when its frozen.  While the extra fat content isn’t ideal for long term exposure, it does serve an important function in the backcountry.  (Think anti-fiber)

Freeze Dried Dinner vs. College Student Dinner

Item
Size/g
Calories
Cal/g
Sugars/g
Fat/g
Sat Fat/g
Protein/g
Na/mg
Iron/ %
Mountain House Noodles & Chicken
268
540
2.0
4
12
4
24
2400
?
Kraft Easy Mac
122
460
3.8
10
8
5
14
1080
16
Ramen Noodles
86
380
4.4
1
14
7
10
1640
16

Holy sodium batman!  All of these dinners will get your blood pressure up to Sam Kinnison levels.  Oooh Oooh OOOOOH!

Notice, however, that the convenience store dinners are much more calorie dense.  In fact, gram for gram, Ramen Noodles, at 4.4 calories per gram are as calorie dense as fudge.  Yes fudge. (I checked)  Hardly health food, but great for winter camping.



Gummy Worms vs. Gu
Item
Size/g
Calories
Cal/g
Sugars/g
Fat/g
Sat Fat/g
Protein/g
Na/mg
K/mg
Vit C/ %
Iron/ %
Gummy Worms(10)
74
293
4.0
44
0
0
0
33
4
0
2
Gu (2 Shots)
64
200
3.1
10
0
0
0
100
70
540
0

Contrary to my original theory, Gu is not just a liquefied gummy worm.  It is clearly a liquefied gummy worm with a Flintstone vitamin and a soy sauce packet, thus confirming my theory that it is a yuppie version of the gummy worm.   Interestingly, the nutrition label reveals that Gu somehow has ¼ the sugar of gummy worms, with equal fat and protein, and yet has nearly the same number of calories.  This scares me.  Clearly their “glucose polymers” and witches brew has led to a calorie source that is invisible to the government nutrition label.  Be afraid.

So get out there with your stop watches and speed passes, and see if you can break the record … without looking like you’re trying to rob the place.


4 comments:

  1. Why thank you kind sir. Now please stop using the word fabulous unless you are speaking about My Little Pony.

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  2. I don't want to rain on any parades here, just provide some additional food for thought on the matter from a nutrition student and avid outdoors-woman....
    You appear logical on the surface, however, the nutrients lacking in the convenience foods are very beneficial to outdoor adventuring. I think the provisions would be fine for a day trip and packing in a flash but of most concern is that you are choosing foods with significantly lower protein values - a nutrient crucial for recovery after a day of climbing, hiking, biking, etc. Without a good protein source and some carbohydrates (which you may or not be accounting for in your "sugar" tally), your muscles will be very fatigued the next day....now is that really worth saving a $1 when you feel heavy and bogged down the next day? You are also choosing foods lower in vitamins and minerals, namely Sodium (Na) and Potassium (K) - both essential in healthy people for proper muscle function and rapidly depleted in sweat. You will also likely find additional fortification in the "yuppy" bars that provide other valuable vitamins (B's) that aid in energy production. These companies have an enormous background of research and are likely on a more fully developed thought processes than the "American obesity epidemic feeding" companies who have created these products to attract the ridiculously skewed taste buds of the general public. I don't disagree that trip food CAN be cheap...it just takes a bit more planning and understanding to be considered "just as good" or better. Also, if you buy in bulk for protein bars, dehydrated meals, etc, you will save more time and money by decreasing your trips to the store and saving on large quantity purchases.
    Happy Trails and Healthy Eating.

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  3. Thanks for the comments Anonymous.

    I received some interesting suggestions for filling-in the nutritional holes when I posted this on the various ski bum sites. I was particularly interested in hearing of good sources of Potassium and Vitamin C. One "convenience-store-ready" source of Vit. C are those packets of "Emergen-C". Someone mentioned banana chips as a good source of Potassium. (Albeit most convenience stores don't carry these)

    As for protein, a mini jar of peanut butter can usually be found, as well as the bagged tuna or cheesy peanut butter crackers... Roaming around VT you might even come across a big old hunk of Cabot Extra Sharp Cheddar.

    I'd love to hear of other suggestions... particularly for a source of Potassium that can be found at most convenience stores.

    And let me slap a big old disclaimer on my article by saying that I in no way endorse the convenience store diet. It will not help you lose weight, make you smarter, or give you any superpowers beyond those mentioned in Gered's follow-up article on poo. In fact, it may kill you in your sleep.

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